NEW YORK—Looking to reverse a decades-long decline relative to football, the MLB revealed Wednesday that they are hoping a partnership with Barstool Sports can help restore baseball’s stature as America’s nationalist pastime. “We’ve been losing our appeal to America’s angry, reactionary, blindly patriotic masses, and nobody has more sway in those important demographics than Barstool Sports,” said MLB commissioner Rob Manfred, who expressed belief that Barstool Sports’ irreverent appeal could help recapture the youthful white male fan that has been drifting away from baseball since the integration era. “While we still has some hardcore fans, what baseball is lacking is a group of drooling slavish devotees who will cheer at everything we do. Barstool is a brand that really speaks to people like that, so we think it’s a win-win.” At press time, the MLB was exploring the possibility of adding special guest commentators Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka.

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